Well its warmer weather now. Which means I am uncomfortable in anything I wear. A t shirt leaves me exposed to the world. There’s only so long I can wear a long sleeve shirt and not look crazy in california weather. We went out yesterday with friends and of course I had to dress up wear a nice top etc. Well I wore a short sleeved shirt with out anything over it for the first time in months and all day I sat with my arms crossed or hugging my purse so I could hide behind it. Needless to say I was the only person in a cardigan halfway through the day. When did I become that person? I wish I could put on anything, never think twice. But then….who would I be without the scars? Would I still be me? Ugh idk. Hellllooo warm weather….helllooo anxiety.
Have you tried vitamin E oil on the scars?
My daughters both have scars and only hide them when I don’t know that they have s.i.ed.
Every step you have taken, every breath you have taken has brought you to this point, don’t look back but look forward. You can’t change what has happened in the past but you CAN change how you deal with the present. The scars are part of who you are, part of your life story just as the scar on your knee from when you fell off the bike or like the scar I have on my chin. If your friends don’t know about them and ask questions-be honest. If they are true friends they will want to help. If one day the si goes too far don’t make them say “If only she had told us, if only she had talked to us she would still be here.”
I completely understand your anxiety. I, too, have scars. A few years back I started working at a new job where I knew I’d feel more comfortable in short sleeves. It was late summer and we worked at a fast pace. I just did it and nobody asked me about the scars until I offered to tell them. They were EXTREMELY respectful of me. When I later asked why, they said that I carried myself with such confidence that they wanted to respect me and give me the chance to explain. Some had assumed that I had hurt myself, others not, but I appreciated the respect all of them gave me.
Sometimes my scars make me really sad and remind me of very sad times. Other times they remind me of just how far I’ve come. Either way, I no longer wear them as a badge of shame. I hope you can take in some California sun, anxiety-free soon!