i’ve always hated other people’s birthdays. i see them happy, laughing, getting presents. while i’m sitting there, depressed in my lonely world. i feel so jealous of their happiness. why can’t i be like them? it was my older brothers birthday today. i got him a hat. he has a whole bunch of them and he really likes them. apparently, the hat was a bit too small and it was the wrong style. me and my brother aren’t super close, so i had to guess about what he liked. i gave him the receipt and told him to do whatever he wanted with it. i wasn’t mean about it, but i felt so terrible. i know this isn’t a big deal, but i feel like i failed as a sister. he liked that i got him a present (i never do) but he didn’t really like the present. i feel so terrible. he’s leaving for college soon and i’m so afraid that we aren’t ever gonna get close. i’m afraid that if i’m not there, than he’s going to die, or get really hurt. i’m the younger one, but i feel that if i’m not RIGHT beside him every second of the day, than something horribly is going to happen and i’ll lose him forever without getting close. he’s 18, so he doesn’t really want to be with his family, but i don’t want wake up one day and the bedroom downstairs being empty, without his many hats scattered across the room, without all his weights in the corner. i’m afraid that i will go to breakfast in the morning, and not see his tattoo across the table. i don’t want my life to get any worse. i don’t want him to leave. whats worse, is that he’s going to the other side of the state, where i can’t see him or protect him. i know that as the younger sister, i’m not supposed to be protective of my older brother, but i can’t help it.