I really don’t know why I’m on here right now. All I know is that I could hear myself screaming so loud inside my head and asking the one question that always haunts me. When? When will I ever stop. I don’t feel safe anymore saying or writing what’s on my mind. I’ve stopped writing journals to my therapist & shrink because they’ve stopped realizing that I say things out of anger. I quit going to school because my shrink said it would be hard trying to si and do school at the same time. I’ve been living more on the edge than ever and feeling like a train out of control. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop because I’ve been feeling like if I do I will be going against what I was taught growing up and also it would make it seem like I disrespected all the adults in my life. I don’t even know if what I’m writing is making any sense. It’s getting to the point that I would mush rather quit seeing my therapist & shrink and just be totally along (what am I talking about) and feel like the wind that you can’t see. The only time somebody even stays in touch with me lately is when they need something otherwise no one here. So why not just live the way I’m living I’m happy and I don’t have to worry about being put down, shoved around or anything else that comes with this. Anyway it’s better to just stick with me, myself & I because at least I know nothing will happen.