It makes no sense to me. Honestly when I was in elementary school, I was the bright bubbly little girl who always said hi to everyone. As soon as I hit middle school, I shut down on people. I wouldn’t talk to anyone and I was just living in my head. I wasn’t exactly depressed, I mean I am emo or goth or whatever, so people assumed I was always unhappy. No one said anything. I guess I just wasn’t the same person. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain…but I had and still have a lot of self-esteem issues. I thought I was fat…I still do, I have eating issues. It started in 7th grade. I went to rehab. Hated it. Pretended I was fine. I am so screwed up. I don’t know. It keeps me sane….That makes no sense, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Well, then I injured once, I just wanted to try it. Then I became addicted. Whenever I was upset I would do it. My life isn’t bad, why do I si? Like my parents care..sure we have our issues, but it’s normal. My sister moved away. I get sad or upset or just do it to FEEL something. I do it to be numb. Now I do it because I’m dealing with eating disorders again and my boyfriend is dying. It is very sad. I can’t always handle it. I was upset because I felt alone…Ugh, basically I think I’m making my own problems! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop??? I don’t want attention…that is the last thing I want! I still don’t know why I’m destroying my life. Sure it’s hard to handle…am I hiding behind my SI? I am just making up too many problems. There has to be something wrong with me. Honestly, this isn’t even coming out right. But I really really REALLY want to si right now. UGH! I’m gonna stop typing because my words aren’t coming out right.

~Ash