It makes no sense to me. Honestly when I was in elementary school, I was the bright bubbly little girl who always said hi to everyone. As soon as I hit middle school, I shut down on people. I wouldn’t talk to anyone and I was just living in my head. I wasn’t exactly depressed, I mean I am emo or goth or whatever, so people assumed I was always unhappy. No one said anything. I guess I just wasn’t the same person. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain…but I had and still have a lot of self-esteem issues. I thought I was fat…I still do, I have eating issues. It started in 7th grade. I went to rehab. Hated it. Pretended I was fine. I am so screwed up. I don’t know. It keeps me sane….That makes no sense, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Well, then I injured once, I just wanted to try it. Then I became addicted. Whenever I was upset I would do it. My life isn’t bad, why do I si? Like my parents care..sure we have our issues, but it’s normal. My sister moved away. I get sad or upset or just do it to FEEL something. I do it to be numb. Now I do it because I’m dealing with eating disorders again and my boyfriend is dying. It is very sad. I can’t always handle it. I was upset because I felt alone…Ugh, basically I think I’m making my own problems! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop??? I don’t want attention…that is the last thing I want! I still don’t know why I’m destroying my life. Sure it’s hard to handle…am I hiding behind my SI? I am just making up too many problems. There has to be something wrong with me. Honestly, this isn’t even coming out right. But I really really REALLY want to si right now. UGH! I’m gonna stop typing because my words aren’t coming out right.
~Ash
i’m addicted to siing too. and that is how i started too! i just wanted to try it. and it will be hard to stop. my advice to you is to keep yourself distracted with things you like to do. distracting yourself is a better alternative than siing. another thing you can do is talk to a therapist. also, you could let out your feelings by keeping a journal (that’s what i do). if you do any of things, time will just fly by. and you will be surprised by the length of the time you didn’t si. trust me 🙂
~Snow
Thanks for the advice. I SI. I sing, I write, I do everything. It always crawls back to me. I know…I do have a therapist. I hate talking though, and I refuse to talk to her. I don’t want anyone to find out. I can’t trust her. I am trying exercising a lot, that gives me soreness and that is a type of pain. It’s not as good, but it is helping. Oh ya, I have an eating disorder too. Ugh. But thank you 🙂
~Ash
oh your very welcome!!
Have you tried holding ice?
Yes…it just doesn’t work for me. I wish it did.
~Ash
distract your self
we si because we have a void in our hearts. somethings missing…the other thing that can fill it is God
I’m trying to distract myself. I belong to a band fansite, I spend a lot of time on there. I wrote soemthing about my boyfriend troubles. They all think I’m lying and just tryign to get attention. My friends think that too. Everyone hates me and doesn’t believe me. This is NOT for attention! and then they wonder why I stop talking or telling them things. Simple, because no one cares or believes me. No point saying anything anymore.
Yeah, my heart is missing something. I love God, but I still feel alone and empty.