So I looked in the mirror tonight. I was wearing a frumpy sweatshirt and xmas pjs. I didn’t expect what I saw. I figured id see a chunky girl with wet hair from a shower who was decent looking. But what I actually saw was a hideous cow that’s huge and that no one will ever want to look twice at. When did that happen? All my clothes fit. None of them fit tighter than before. I’m still in an 18. I don’t understand why tonight I look so big. I hate looking in the mirror and hating the person looking back. I havnt sied in 2 weeks. I want to. The urge is there. But I scared myself 2 weeks ago, so I need to be smart and wait a little. Tonight I hate myself, hopefully tomorrow will be better.