I feel like SUCH an idiot sometimes. Last night I went out to a club with some friends from work. It’s out of my comfort zone but once I started to relax I actually ended up having a good time. I’m glad this blog is anonymous otherwise I’d never admit to this, but I figure if anyone would understand it would be here. I was under the influence and standing there packed in this super loud club and I got extremely self conscious all of a sudden and panicky and I started to feel overwhemled. The lights the music, i don’t know. I took a “tool” out of my wallet and injured right there. It was dark and no one could see and everyone was too intoxicated and in their own world and I didn’t know what else to do…the bathroom line was too long to go in there and hide, if I left the club I’d be in public and that’s not ok, I didn’t take my car and my DD’s car was parked wayyyy far away, so out of desperation and on impulse I did it right there. I feel so crazy for doing that. No one noticed thank God. WHY would I do that??? I feel like I’m getting worse and worse and I’m completely totally sucking at getting better. I’m not giving up, I’ve just taken steps backward instead of forwards and I can’t seem to reverse that. Who does that though??? I feel so dumb about it.