I feel like SUCH an idiot sometimes. Last night I went out to a club with some friends from work. It’s out of my comfort zone but once I started to relax I actually ended up having a good time. I’m glad this blog is anonymous otherwise I’d never admit to this, but I figure if anyone would understand it would be here. I was under the influence and standing there packed in this super loud club and I got extremely self conscious all of a sudden and panicky and I started to feel overwhemled. The lights the music, i don’t know. I took a “tool” out of my wallet and injured right there. It was dark and no one could see and everyone was too intoxicated and in their own world and I didn’t know what else to do…the bathroom line was too long to go in there and hide, if I left the club I’d be in public and that’s not ok, I didn’t take my car and my DD’s car was parked wayyyy far away, so out of desperation and on impulse I did it right there. I feel so crazy for doing that. No one noticed thank God. WHY would I do that??? I feel like I’m getting worse and worse and I’m completely totally sucking at getting better. I’m not giving up, I’ve just taken steps backward instead of forwards and I can’t seem to reverse that. Who does that though??? I feel so dumb about it.
Hi
I started doing SI a few weeks ago. I have gotten some advice from a friend who did it for a long time. She suggested to leave any “tools” at home when I go out. Not have them visible when I’m home. And, not to consider it a step backward when I SI.
She asked me when I last SI. I told her and she said OK, now your goal is to go the same amount of time + a day, or two or whatever. Basically, take small steps as would a person addicted to substances.
When I started SI, I didn’t know of the addicted nature. I find myself doing it even when I feel numb.
I hope this helps.
🙂
well, it has already been done. it was in the past and now we’re trying to move towards the future. don’t blame yourself, it was impulsive and it was dark and everybody else was under the influence so nobody could have helped you. my advice to you is to be more careful about where you are. even if everyone was under the influence, they still would have noticed something if you weren’t in the dark at the time. be more careful next time
~Snow
I’ve sied in a very public place as well. It was actually a very large lecture hall and I was in the last row. Your def not alone in this scenario. It happens, don’t stress about it, it was in the past, every day is a new day. Good luck and stay strong!