don’t know if what I’m about to write is considered burn out, but and that’s a big one. I really haven’t stopped the SI because it’s such a normal way for me to deal with things and no one quite gets it. I’m blinded by the fact that whatever was done and by whom when I was a kid and further on in life wasn’t right because if that is how a grown up shows love then they are right and your wrong. I really can’t fault them, but that is where my psychiatrist tries to explain that by me SIing which means even having others abuse me is called carrying the family legacy on and it needs to stop. We’ve talked about hospital and all, but I just don’t know. Right now, This second I can’t think of much because it’s like a hoola hoop going around around and not stopping anytime too soon. I had to quit going to school because I could only do one thing at a time so yesterday I told my shrink that I’ve notched another failure in my belt. I really can’t stop because I believe strong that maybe my parents and adults in my life felt I deserved it for one reason or another and I feel I do also because of what happen and all the underlining feelings toward myself. I DON’T FEEL ANYMORE!