I am a married mother of three wonderful (but wild) boys. I teach yoga and work as a doula (birth coach) for a living. I eat healthy, excercise and have many hours of training in helping people deal with stress in their lives.
I am not sure how to do it in mine and I am so very tired of the act of having it all together.
I first began to SI when I was 13 and for about 6 years it was a constant struggle-then through college a few years travelling and early motherhood the desire stayed hidden only coming out when things got really intense.
But now it is back and the urges are constant and I am just feeling like I am too old to be doing this. Even as I type that it sounds stupid but it seems 90% of what I read about SI is targeted towards teens and young adults.
I want to stop-I want to not have to make up stories to my boys about what happened to cause mommy’s scars…
I want to feel like there is someone I can talk to about this besides my shrink.
Any other mom’s out there?
wow. you sound like me. I have a pre-teen, started to si at 13, have mostly been ok, had a serious relapse and am doing ok now, at least in being mostly able to control the behaviors. oh, and i’m a serious yoga person, have friends into homebirth… and all around “know better.” I would so love to talk to you. you sound so brave though, I can barely put sentences together when I think of scars and my son and maybe he knows. oh, thats horrible but something i;m going to have to face. ….. I get “better” but right now in my life it seems like the problems just get harder and harder as I have a lot of real issues to face. I do not not not talk about si, even in therapy ia can still barely do it, after a couple years so I need to take it easy in communicating around it but i’m ready to try. email me.
Hi, I’m a 37 year old married mother who has been struggling with SI since 11. I have one son who will be 5 soon and he is all boy. I have been injury free for over 5 years but still struggle with urges regularly and more so lately. You are not alone and you are right most everything seems to be targeted towards teens and younger adults.
Please don’t feel stupid. I am not a mother, but I am 40. The last time I SIed was about 10 months ago after a horrible break up where I was not allowed to have any closure. The person just dismissed me in an awful manner because of his own issues and would not talk to me anymore. It happens when I am in situations where people do not listen to me or I feel that I am not being valued. I DID talk to a therapist about it. She gave me great peace of mind and did not find it creepy in any way. It is rare now. I don’t feel bad about it anymore even when it does happen. I think it is best to talk to people who “get it”. Those who don’t will only make you feel worse. You don’t need that!
Wow-woke up to the constant go go go of the boys and after getting them settled to breakfast and the laundry started I turned on the computer and saw these responses….THANK YOU!
I had a dream last night where I was trying to explain my arms and I just ran away and so I woke up feeling a mix of shame and dread because (sadly) dreams like this and the feeling of shame make me more likely to do it again.
But then reading that there are other people to talk with is helpful 🙂
I, too, am in my mid-thirties. I don’t have kids but I have a young niece and nephew who are starting to question why my skin looks so different. I know some day I will have to explain this to them and I hope to come at it from a place of strength and recovery, not shame. To tell them how sad I was to have to have done such horrible things to myself but how strong I am today to have stopped.
You are not alone. I did not even start injuring myself until my early 20s. I attended SAFE twice before getting to the comfortable place of recovery I am at today. I feel like I have all the answers to help everybody else, just sometimes choose not to listen to that advise for myself.
You are a yoga teacher? It is a dream of mine to become a yoga teacher. Yoga was a key part of my recovery from eating disorders, helping me to appreciate my body for what it does, not hating it for what it looks like. Now I have a bad ankle and am having trouble doing much of any exercise.
Anyways, you are not alone. I wish you healing. You are not alone. -Namaste