I’m a SAFE Intensive alumni. I “graduated” from the SAFE program at Linden Oaks when I was 15. To be honest, I was not totally SI-free until my senior year of high school. I have also struggled with eating disorders for most of my life. I think that I was able to put aside my SI when the eating disorders truly took over my life. Well, now that I had the eating disorders somewhat under control, I found myself wanting to go back to SI. I’m 23, single mother and full time student. I’ve never felt like I could burden other people with my emotions, so I’ve always been a girl that bottles things up. I’m finally at a boiling point. After 5 years of being SI-free, I’ve relapsed. I’ve fully gone back to the out of control behavior from my teenage years. I know that I shouldn’t be doing this. I know the skills. I have the impulse log memorized, for goodness sake. So, why is this happening? Why am I so out of control? I’m failing everybody. I promised myself that I would never do this again. Why is it this easy? I feel so much guilt, but I can’t stop. I had finally gotten my life back together. My son deserves a better mother. I cringe to think how I’ll have to explain this to him when he’s older. Has anybody else been where I’m at now? Have you gone years without SI-ing only to relapse and go back to the beginning? I don’t know what to do or how to stop doing this. I’m so disgusted with myself!