I have relapsed recently and I’ve noticed that even though the pain relieves, I still feel like I felt when I was trying to stop. I was in a constant struggle to not SI. But now that I’ve started again, I still feel just as worst. I don’t want to hurt like this any more. I just want it all to stop. I just want to be happy. Why can’t I be happy? My two options, to SI or to not SI, both hurt. Physically and mentally. Why did I even start this in the first place? I didn’t think of the consequences. If I could go back in time and stop myself from SIing, I would. I wouldn’t wish this pain upon anyone. Why can’t I just be happy?