I’m from Florida, I’m 23 and I’ve been self injuring since I was 14. I started when I was 14 because I was scared. It was a month or two after 9/11 happened and I was FULL of fear and didn’t know what else to do so I injured for the first time. After that it becme a habit and I did it often. I’ve done it on and off through the last ten years.I’ve gone years without even thinking about it. When I was about 19 I began to fill the void with alcohol and that soon became my outlet, when I was 21 I started injuring again because of some shameful feelings I had.A new friend saw old scars on my arm and asked what they were from and it “triggered” me. I’m almost 24 now and the last two years I have been hurting myself consistently. It’s like a never ending cycle. If I’m not injuring one way, I’m injuring with substances. I have lost 70 lbs over the past year and thought that loosing weight would cure my urge to hurt myself but apparently its something else. I proved to myself over the past year in my weight loss journey that I CAN be strong, that I can fight the binge eating, that I can fight the addictions, that I CAN overcome my weaknesses…but right now I just feel done. I struggled with depression bad for a while until i landed myself in the psych ward with injuries and I had to start seeing a psychiatrist…I got on medication and starting doing impulse control logs and starting trying to REALLY get healthy. I slipped up with the self injury every now and then but in general I stayed in the right state of mind and I made the choice to stay safe and I chose to keep myself above the depression that was knowcking at my door. banging at my door trying to force it’s way inside of me. I did decenntly well until a few days in to the new years when something happened with my family. I wrote about it on here.Basically they betrayed me. Since the 5th of this month I have self injured in some way or another too often and I can’t find the motivation to stop. I know I want to WANT to stop but I don’t see why right now. I FEEL like I’m not hurting anyone else but I know I am. I am hurting my partner and I am hurting me and according to the Bodily Harm book I count as someone I am hurting. Right now though, even though logically I know it’s not ok, i feel as if I can’t stop. I feel like it’s not a big deal but at the same time I know it is! I know it’s a problem because I’m writing on a self help website and I cry while I type so I know somewhere inside it’s bothering me. I cant find a therapist comfortable with self-harm AND homosexuality issues that is afordable and I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. Someone told me once that if I feel like I’m at the end of my rope to tie a knot and hold on tight!