I’ve had a very hard past 3 years. Mood disorders, SI, medicines, doctors. All of that has put a giant weight of pressure right on top of me. It’s crushing me bit by bit. i had a fight with my friend today and she won’t tell me why. She doesn’t know about my SI so today while we were fighting, I told her “Remember, it’s your fault.” I meant that if I start SI again then it’s her fault. I tried talking to my other friend who knows about my SI and she doesn’t understand so I’m just looking for someone to talk to.

Today, someone called me crazy. Some bad stuff went down a couple years ago and I thought they forgot about it. But as soon as I heard that, I felt the urge. I always feel the urge to SI almost everyday. The only thing that stops me is my days. No one and nothing can stop except for my days. Every time I feel the urge, I whisper the number of days with out SI. I know it sounds weird, but it reminds me that I’ve lasted that long without injury so why can’t I last a bit longer? But the urges are getting stronger. I need to stop them….