I relapsed today. I feel so ashamed but it also feels good. I got mad at my friend today and I just blurted out all of my feelings to her. It wasn’t just our little fight, it’s everything. All the pressure of my life has been building up for 43 days. I’ve gone that long without SI and now I’m back to zero. I’ve tried so hard, but I just can’t get out of this dark place. It’s agony. I’ve told my best friend, but she doesn’t understand. No one understands and I’m all alone in my world of pain. 43 days to 0 days. I’m back to zero.