I must say that I have not been doing the best. Problems are just consuming my life right now. Trust was easy for me about a year ago now it’s hard for me to even trust people I talk to everyday- spend 95% of my life with. I went to my counselor appt. for the first time in like 4 weeks now and took another depression test. We sat down and compared it to the one I took in September. It showed that in September I scored average in everything, taking it now, it says that I am depressed. How did I let myself get this bad? I feel like it is going to take so much to get back from where I started; happy. There’s still fight left, I’m not going to give up or give in. I refuse to keep feeling this way. I just want to come back to God and I’m ready to make that step. My life has become two sides. 1st side is the side that everyone gets to see, the happy, joyful, amazing christen girl. My 2nd side on the other hand is a disappointing, ashamed, messed up and depressed. I miss everything I used to be. I just want to come back and be that girl that everyone thinks I am- the girl I thought I was. I want to make everyone proud, my mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, and everyone in between. I want to be able to feel wanted and needed. I want to want to be alive and not curse my life. When will it all get better? When will my life have some light? When will I be able to breathe without being in a safe little quiet place with a couple marks on my skin? When when when??????