I’m gay. I’m came out to my family almost 4 years ago and it was a big huge painful ordeal that I never worked through because things calmed down. I know they don’t accept it but they love me so I let it all slide. All the hateful things they said and did to me when i first told them, i just pretended it didn’t happen. I was terrified but I told them and the backlash made my fears worthwhile. Looking back, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. With that said, I never dealt with the feelings of betrayal and I just swept it under the rug like it never happened and let everyone be…I figured id rather just keep my feelings about the whole coming out thing inside me rather than confront them about it because I didn’t want to stir the pot. That was 4 years ago. Since then, I’ve met the love of my life and we’ve been slowly accepted into my family. Or so I thought? My younger sister got engaged a few weeks ago and I was thrilled for her but something so strong inside of me was so jealous. Yes of the legality of their marriage when it happens, but more so the acceptance of their relationship. I hate that they can hug and kiss and call each other “baby” in front of my parents but we are so uncomfortable we are nervous sitting next to each other. We’re treated as friends. I was just starting to deal with this and accept that it will always be like that when I got a series of angry text messages from my mother. I called her to see what she was talking about and it turned into a gigantic fight. I’m not a fighter, im actually the opposite. I generally avoid confrontation at all cost but I wasn’t taking it anymore so I didn’t hold back. My mom has bipolar disorder and this wasn’t the first outburst but it was definitely the worst and it was full of hate and I don’t know what triggered it but she made it crystal clear that the whole family is uncomfortable with us around and that we will never be accepted. She said we ruin family vacations. I have no idea how this blew up or where all this hate came from inside of her. It took me by surprise and I was SO full of emotion I thought I might literally explode. I’m sure most of you know that feeling. I tried to relieve that by injuring but it didn’t work this time, so i tried it more that just left me with what will be more scars that I will later regret. I cried harder that I’ve cried in 4 years, nothing helped relieve the pressure inside so i took a few of my anti anxiety pills and fell asleep. When i woke up the whole thing felt surreal and I didn’t even remember hurting myself. I feel like I’m back at square one. Back to when i came out and they all hated me and I thought my world was shattered. I don’t know what to do to deal with this. I’m SO close to my family. It’s like something is wrong in my mind. I’m trying to work through it and think over it and find peace about it but its like my mind wont let me even think about it, it gets all fuzzy. I don’t know what to do this time. Do I shut them out completely? My gf will never feel comfortable going to see them again nor will I and I can’t see how this is going to resolve itself. I didn’t do anything wrong, why can’t they just love me how I am?