I wanted to write something happy and inspirational about the holidays, espcially since so many people seem to be struggling now. Being that Christmas seems to simply stink for me this year I’m having a really hard time thinking what to write for people who may be struggling with self injury since I’m not happy NOR inspired by the holiday and I’m pretty well into recovery. I’m fighting physical sickness in myself and in my family. I’m sad that I’m away from my crummy marital relationship for the first Christmas in 8 years – I just realized that one yesterday. I’m unemployed, ashamed, sick, hurt, tired and overwhelmed. And my employed, tired and overwhelmed mother is so wrapped up in making a super superficial Christmas that she can never create in this lifetime, she not only is making herself ill but she is driving me insane.
Is this what the holiday is about and have I inspired you yet? Well, no and no but let me try to inspire you by telling you that despite all this I haven’t injured myself in over 9 months and am faithly following a meal plan and taking my medications (including vitamins!) as prescribed. For me, this is a sign of long-term success.
I realize that I want to share something I read this morning about Christmastime…we are not alone. We, as in self injurers of all varieties, are not alone. We feel alone. Alone in our darkness and hopeless, helpless, shame and guilt. Alone in our secrets. We are not alone. We have each other. We have this website. We have friends, family, therapists and doctors who annoy us but some (maybe even most) really do care about us. We matter to other people the way other people matter to us and whether you believe that or not, I bet to somebody, somewhere, it is true.
Sometimes I think Our lonliness can be a state of mind. This holiday, I hope everybody who visits this site can believe that they are not alone. I wish you all healing, hope, love and light.