You know how some people find solace in sex? Well…let me tell you I’m probably one of the most “prude” person some people would say they’d ever met and also incredibly conservative…but I’ve been on chatrooms and finding hotness talking with people in them and watching videos of lesbians kissing and whatnot…but after I sign off I feel so dirty. I hate it I feel like I’m hurting myself but it’s so disgusting for me but yet I can’t stop and my friends don’t know which maybe makes it better or worse. I feel like I’m torn in two the real me and the revolting me…I guess obviously I favor the real me simply because when I’m done I feel awful and all but I also can’t seem to stop…like I don’t know who I really am…it hurts. What if I never know which gender I actually want to marry? What if I miss my chance to make some my biggest dreams come true simply because I married the wrong one. I’m going to be 18 and I’m excited…soo excited but I’m also terrified because I don’t know who I am…sure some parts but not everything. I just really want to date someone and find closeness. It also doesn’t help that I’ve never had a first kiss before…what almost-18-year-old hasn’t kissed someone?! What if I never do?