i’m so lost right now. my mom thought that i stopped SI weeks ago, but i started again about 2 weeks ago. but today, she saw my injuries. she was shocked and asked if i wanted to go to therapy. i’ve gone to TOO much therapy, but not for SI. i have this freaky mood dis-order thing so i went almost every week to the little office. the therapists think that they know what i’m thinking. but are they telepathic? NO. so i stopped talking to them a long time ago.

i need to SI,  i want to SI. but when i have go to SI, i realize what i’m doing is wrong, but i do it anyway. after yesterday, when my mom saw the scars, i told myself that i was causing her pain to. i need to STOP. i wont let the tools take over my life. i worry about not being perfect every day, but what about the starving kids in Africa or the kids with cancer?

my friends say that they’re emo because they SI too. but when i confessed, they thought it was cool. what about injuring makes it cool? i cant abandon them, because i’ve been their friend for too long. but i was thinking about telling the school guidance counselor about them. they confessed, but i want better proof. i’m worried that if i tell, then i’ll lose them. 

i have to stop on my own. my friends won’t help and my mom gets all touchy about these things and i hate it. i’m mostly on my own. but…. maybe the school guidance counselor can help. she’s better than the other therapists i’ve encountered. maybe i’ll go to her after winter break. i realize now that i can’t do this alone. what was i thinking?

but right now, i have to remove all tools of SI from my life. should i? please help me. i’m confused and lost about what to do. i need support.