So, Im just an accident.  I shouldn’t have been born, I was an accident. My parents were still teenagers… Im a waste of life… Honestly,they should’ve got rid of me.. adoption or something. I ruined ther life… My mom dropped out senior year.. but then went back to alternative.. Then she never went to college…. only  for a like a month… and didnt get anything accomplished. I ruined evrything. And Ill never be my sister, so I ruin everything even more, if I was just like her maybe I wouldnt be a burden on them..  So I SI.. big deal.. IT IS A BIG DEAL. I wish I didnt do this. But I cant stop.. My parents dont know Im doing it still, they think I havent done it in like 6 or more months.. I hate lying but… IM REALLY GOOD AT IT! Im great at the mask too. Im a person in front of them thats happy, and then in front of certain types of friends, I try to fit in, so I swear and, act like they do, and then at church, I pretend Im happy, and joyus, and that God is soo amazing, and yes he is, but I act like a wonderful church girl. Then there a few people I can be real in front of, but I know Im hurting them the most!! And it tears me up inside, bcuz I love them and they mean soo much to me 🙁 !!!!! I know they think Im more than the rest of the world does… I hurt them when I SI prolly more than I hurt myself… Its so hard, and I want to just crawl up in a ball and cry.. ALL THE TIME!!  I cannot do that though, bcuz I put everyone else before me. I would do anything for my family to be close… When my mom and dad were falling apart and my siblings were fighting all the time bcuz of it, I put myself in the hospital to get them closer.. That wasnt the first intention, but it turned into that. I feel worthless like no one wants me around. But I guess I know some peopple do, and GOD wants me to change the world, and show people him love. And I will do it, and not stop untill my time here is done… I hope I can get better. But for now I dont feel like I can 🙁