I have posted here before with a different username (Kittycat), but could not get that account to work for some reason and really felt the need to express what I am feeling right now so I created a new account.
I have made it to 7 months SI free which is the longest I have gone without in 4 years. Recently though I have been struggling with the urge to start again. I even found myself heading to the store to buy tools. Semester is almost over and I have what feels like a million things due and absolutely no motivation to do any of it. Its not that I don’t want to get my work done and get good grades its that I can’t seem to find the energy or focus to actually do it. I keep saying after this, in 10min, etc. I am sick of this feeling, I want to be able to focus and accomplish things. Feeling like I can’t do anything is leading me have the urge to SI again since it used to alleviate this feeling, at least for a little while. I know that in the long run it wont fix anything and will actually make my life more complicated again, but I need to get my homework done and get through finals and I don’t know what else to do. So far I have listened to the logical part of my brain and resisted, but I don’t know how much longer I can continue to do so. If anyone has any tips on how to deal with this I would greatly appreciate it if you could share them.