My 36th birthday is this week and my family got together to celebrate yesterday. I cleaned the house for the occassion, or at least as much as I could with a bad ankle. I must say, I got so much more than I asked for on this day of celebration.
First, I now know the feeling of walking on eggshells as I, the healthiest one of the three of us, learns how to cope with my parents’ feelings of depressions and acting out anger. My work around the house is not appreciated as one might expect but looked upon as a nuissance and invitation to more work by my overworked mother. My dad lashed out at me out of nowhere yesterday, telling me to teach my 9 year old dog to not jump on the furniture so that we don’t have to put a blanket on the living room couch. You know that ruins the look and feel of a real living room, right? And this was before the day really started….
After an amazingly wonderful time playing with my niece and nephew, my brother and dad decided to get into an arguement. They love to argue and while that’s fine, it was my birthday and I didn’t like to see my dad getting so worked up or my young niece and nephew seeing them in such a heated state. So, I asked them to stop. My dad stomped off, we sat and ate cheesecake per my request and they got back into into it. Dad sometimes worries about my nephew’s anger fits but even my nephew even had to tell the adults to settle down.
Did I mention that my brother and sister-in-law told me about my husband’s drunken posts on Facebook last night? And yes, I reacctivated my account so that I could see and not only was the man I left a month and a half ago really impaired, but he was when I talked to him the prior night. That must be why he yelled at me and I cried my eyes out when I heard the song “Here Comes the Sun.”
The sun keeps rising and I keep going. When are things going to get better? I cannot make my mom get treatment for her depression, make my dad and brother change or make my husband stop drinking. I can make decisions for myself and take care of myself. I can and I will. Every day. I will keep on going.