What would you do if you knew you were losing your best friend simply for unknown reasons? I have no idea, even though that’s what I’m going through right now. He and I used to talk for hours on end on the phone, chat away at lunch and whenever we could see each other when he moved away. He’s my everything and I don’t think anyone else could mean so much to me as a friend. He saved my life, more than once. I was the unhappiest person I knew, no one else could defeat the power of my depression. I was hopeless, I was lost, I was helpless. He came along, and I don’t think he realized how deep he would get into my world by just talking to me. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t let him know about my darkest secret, but after a few conversations, I whispered it to him. I was so terrified, mortified. Mortified that he would run, that he would laugh, that he would just turn away and tell me that he wants nothing to do with me. Do you know what surprised me the most? Is that the only time be turned away was when we were going through our break up. Yeah, we were together for three months, but we were more like super close friends than boyfriend/girl. We both agreed to break up, but I still cared for him deeply. We broke up at the worst time in my life. I was still struggling with self harm. When we broke up, I plummeted into the earth. I lost all control. It was like I couldn’t control my own body. I broke all of my own rules, I was numb from head to toe. A month after we broke up, my parents found out and nothing mattered anymore. My hope was gone, all resources, gone. My freedom was taken away and from that day, I swore that I would not make it past that year, at the time, it was October. I couldn’t handle knowing that I hurt my family so badly. I couldn’t handle any of it. I didn’t want to. Well, I made it through that year and in january I began to talk to my ex boyfriend again. Everything started to brighten up. Things eventually did get better and ever since, we were inseparable. But now, I don’t know if that’s the case. I haven’t hurt myself in over two months, with no one’s help, which is a shock because my best friend was always there for me when I needed him. Lately, I’ve had this feeling that he doesn’t want anything to do with me, which breaks my heart because he’s my everything. I wrote him a letter and it’s about me wanting to know if he wants to be my friend anymore. I’m so afrai of the answer, I haven’t given him the letter, but it weighs heavily on my mind. I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to know that there’s someone else in this world that would mean more to him than I mean to him. I don’t wan to know anything. I just want everything to go back the way it was before he moved away. That’s what I want. What would you do if you knew you were losing your best friend? Me, honestly, I don’t know and I hate it.