Hi . . . This is my first time posting. I’m 39 and only recently started to SI after several months battling a deep depression. (Still trying different meds for depression per my doc). I’m confused and scared because I’ve never acted on the desire to SI before now. I work in ministry and am so ashamed . . .my clients have no idea. I can’t imagine what they would think. My older children are afraid and I had to lie to my younger children why “mommy has scars”. My husband does not understand and either makes sarcastic remarks or shuts me out alltogether. My therapist is very understanding and is trying to help me use healthy methods to cope, but I feel so alone. I just want the angst to go away. I just want to feel “normal”. I am supposed to be the caregiver, not the other way around.
Depression isn’t a sign of weakness, only a sign you’re been strong for too long.
Someone told me that and it’s true you know. Sometimes the ones that try and help people the most fall into some bad spots in life. Don’t give up though; it is possible to recovery.
Hope. Help. Recovery.
Add me to MSN if you use it, or send me an email sometime.
gdaem@live.com
🙂
Thank you for that . . .my family does think I’m weak because I can’t cope anymore. I feel broken and overwhelmed by the simplest of tasks. They just don’t understand why I can’t “get it together”. I don’t even want to go to work anymore. I find myself despising the same people I’m supposed to be loving. I know there are beautiful people in the world—I just wish I knew more of them. I wish I was one of them.
You are one of the beautiful people in the world, “invisible.” Having the strength to come to this site and reach out shows your beauty and strength of spirit.
When I called for an evaluation to be admitted to SAFE almost 10 years ago, I spoke directly to Dr. Lader in a truly enlightening conversation. I described to her my situation and she told me I was a “rescuer.” How right she was! And I imagine that you may be be a rescuer as well, immersing yourself in helping everyone. 10 years later, I am finally taking the time to rescue myself from an abusive marriage and get back on my feet financially, emotionally and physically.
I understand your feelings of being overwhelmed and broken. You are wonderful and perfect who and how you are. Do what you can and that is good enough.
I leave you with a quote from a card that I now have framed and next to my bed…”To hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that;s true strength.”
I wish you love and healing.
dont never think that cuz ur a caretaker nobody gonna take care of you. it ok to be weak cuz before you strong you gotta be weak. you just gotta let urself be taken care of. that good that u get counciling, me i do this on my own but counciling better than going it alone.
Barista: Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement. I agree that I am a “rescuer”, which sometimes translates to enabler . . .I’m working on fixing that so I can rescue myself. I have a great therapist —see her today in fact—who is trying to lead me to a better way of functioning.
Deartrigger: Thank you too for reaching out to encourage me . . .it means a lot to have others care. I admire you—I could not do this without professional intervention.