I am so sick, so sick and tired of who I am. Every time I look in a mirror, even if I’m just looking at my face, I start to cry. I hate who I am, I hate my body, I hate everything about me. The only things I like about me are my eyes and lips and cleavage. I guess one huge reason why I started to hurt myself four years ago, is because I hate myself so much. So how am I supposed to move on if I can’t even look in the mirror without crying? I haven’t hurt myself in over two months, that’s so long for me. And I haven’t had help whatsoever. So what’s going to happen when something really intense happens, I don’t think I can handle it all by myself. Lately, I’ve been more self-hatred than other times. I have no idea, maybe it’s the fact that there’s this guy, who’s older, who likes me. I told him I’m fat, he says he doesn’t care. He says that he likes me because of who I am and blah blah blah. We haven’t met in person yet and I keep dodging every chance we get to meet, because I can’t handle the possibility of what he’ll think of me when he sees me in person. He’s seen pictures of me, but you know how in person is completely different than in picture? What if he regrets ever talking to me? What if he pretends to not know me? What if he pretends to not notice me? I can’t handle it! I just can’t. I don’t even like him as much as I like this other guy, I’ve liked this other guy for three years. I just never had the guts to go up to him and talk to him, because I have to self-esteem whatsoever. This guy is the absolute sweetest guy you could ever meet, yet, I can’t get the guts to go up to him and have a conversation with him.. I really want to be with this guy more than anything, I want to go to prom with him. I want to hold his hand. I want him to kiss me and hold me and tell me I’m beautiful, even if I don’t believe it. I want him. I want him and me to be together. Just plain and simple. Why can’t life be that simple?