It’s Thanksgiving and I’m at my parents house alone.  They went to my aunt’s for thanksgiving, leaving me alone on this dark and cold night.

I am like no one else here.  I self injured obviously.

I know by now that self injury is bad.  I’ve only caused problems.  I’ve injured myself and I’ve disfigured myself.

I stopped self injury 1 year ago today.

And yet…on this 1 year anniversary, I feel more hopeless than I did a year ago.

A year ago, there was the hope of healing.  That steroid injections would stop my pain.  That the laser treatments would ease the scars.

Yet here I sit, 1 year later, still suffering the same problems, still getting the same treatments.

I’ve disfigured myself.

I’m a male, and I need to wear cosmetic cover up to hide my self injury.

I have no insurance, so I have to take what I can get.  Charity care from a local hospital that allows me to see a psychiatrist once a week.  But she does not understand self injury.

I feel so trapped.  My parents, whom I’ve had to move in with because my depression is severe, refuse to even discuss my self injury, or the medical treatments I am doing to try to heal.  They won’t go with me to the doctor.

I have no friends.  My over whelming depression has scared off the few good friends I have, to the point that I am now friendless.  Trapped in an unfeeling, cold house, where my parents care so little about me that they left me here to go to their relatives for Thanksgiving.

I’m having such a hard time tonight.