Young, hip, so beautiful? I hate that the world thinks that what you have to be to be anyhting, to anyone. Because then it becomes war with yourself. Ive been in a war with myself about that stuff forever. Obviously yes I am young Im 15, I wear brand name clothes when I can, bcuz I want to fit in, and beautful, I dont think I am but evrytone tells me I am. So I dont know, But Im more of a super loser. When I use to go to public school , and it got out that I SI, and I had an eating disorder, my life got crazzyy. at school I was a “freak” Now that Im homeschooled thats a lot easier, but its still hard to look at myself in the mirror, and say “you know what they are right, you are a freak” I use to tell myself that everyday, I still sometimes do. Then I have this huge front. Church I think on e of my faveorite places in the world. Everyone treats me like a real person. Well that was untill I went to the hospital, and everyone at church found out. then I got all the judging looks.Its kinda back to normal now but its still akward. Im no supermodel. Everyone in my family, are all little skinny beautiful perfect porcelian dolls, its SICK! They look fine, and stuff, but it just makes me sick that they want me to be PERFECT!!!!!! NO ONE IS PERFECT! And they dont understand, that I cant be, I SI bcuzzz I need control, release, I cant do anything, without being told it was wrong, I hold my fork wrong, or I dont sit right, I dont have nice clothes, or I have ugly colors on, and its all junk I hate it. I have a therapist, and she tells me if I dont stop, she’ll send me somewhere I can get more “INTENSIVE” treatment, she makes me sound crazyyyy. Im not going to die, I knew what I was getting myself into when I starrted, well actually I didnt. I never even really heard of SI before I started doing it, I just did it. but…. I dont know, i feel like I cant stop, its to hard. and Im a SUPER LOSER! Nevr good enuf. NEVER!