wow, what do i say? I’m going through so much. my parents, school, drama with friends, a harsh break up… EVERYTHING is tumbling down. I started injuring about three years ago (scary i know… such a long time and my parents didn’t even know) i guess the cause was just, being so young and not fitting in with the kids my age, i was always, just, more mature. also my parents were fighting intensely and i felt alone, like no one cared, of course, i still feel that way. this year i got hit with the stress of intense school work, it just doesn’t work for me. the teachers are always on top of me and i have to balance school with hanging out. i was failing and my mom was getting cranky, i was excited i finally found myself, i knew who i was, and i made so many friends. One of the friends i was warned about by my “bro” (my guy best friend) he said that this kid i wanted to hang out with was crazy. i thought the kid was fine… of course i was wrong. he gave me a tool and i thought it was kinda cool even tho i didn’t know it was illegal, I’m assuming he wanted to get rid of it. of course… the dean found it and i got suspended. FOR FIVE DAYS, ARE YOU KIDDING? i miss my friends and its the third day on my suspension. while the dean was searching me she saw my injuries… she made me, and immediately called the police. at this point i was thinking “no, not now! not during whats going on with my parents fighting, you’re ruining my life!” but i couldn’t stop her, she had already called my father at work. i went to a scary hospital where they did absolutely nothing. now my parents seem to be… i don’t know, “butting” out of my life. they just… don’t want me around. yet, they check on me and question me when i have sharp objects all the time. they took my phone and i cant see my friends for a month. Friday is a trial and if they say i cant go back, they mean i cant go back to school EVER. I’m so frustrated! my own mother is stereotyping me and calling me “EMO” and my dad seems like hes taking my side but then i hear him telling my mother that I’m a crazy kid. on top of all of this the love of my life, the only person who made me smile, who made everything seem okay, and whenever he touched me it was like a miracle… i could go on and on, he left me because …well i don’t even know. but i cant help thinking about him, everything is such a struggle, someone give me some advise… just a little help?
Oh honey I wish I had a magic wand to make all your pain go away just like I wish I can make all the pain go away for my daughter. The only thing I can say is what I tell my daughter. When you are feeling alone and that no one cares, try to write your story, scream into your pillow,throw something ( soft) like a stuffed animal all over your room. Try and get the hurt, anger and pain away so that you don’t harm the beautiful you. Everyone around you are just scared for you and maybe they don’t know how to act, and as far as the school is concerned they are only doing their job, they have procedures to follow and they are not just directed towards you. I understand that your parents aren’t acting the way you think they should but honey they may not know how to act. Just because we are adults and we are parents does not mean we have all the answers . We mess up too and we say the wrong things and do the wrong things. Have you tried asking them if you can talk to them without a comment from them until you are through and maybe you can express to them what you expressed here today. But if you can’t or just don’t want to, always Just remember that I am on the other end of this blog to listen. Please take care, because I care.
@Mary Ann, wow thank you. i wish i had a parent like you. i understand now that my parents make mistakes too, all i can hope for is they can figure out im just as sad as they are and im mature enough to understand what they are saying about my situation. I really would love if i could go back to school, im not a horrible person and i would never harm anybody! Im just a girl with a lot of pain. Thank you again, you see me with kind eyes, you care about a young girl who you never even spoke with in person, its great to feel like someone cares and is making an effort to try to help.
Hey Forever,
Thanks for the kind words sweetie, you have just put a great big smile on my face , see you helped me feel better too. Just keep taking care of yourself and keep talking, talking talking and one day you will be back at school. I think people just get scared of what they don’t understand. Never ever believe you are a horrible person just because you SI. It is the pain you express , keep working on it and one day you will change your screen name to “use to broken” . 🙂 🙂 I hope I made you smile today. Hope to talk again soon.
Hey again forever I am so sorry after I posted I realized I wrote something wrong. I meant to say you will change your screen name to “use to be broken” Sorry. Talk soon.
thank you… youre absolutley right. im glad we could help eachother out.
although my one problem is i really miss my friends and i wont be back till the end of january. ill work it out. thanks again!
foreverbroken,
it’s darkness. You left a comment on one of my posts and i wanted to tell you to email me @:
rosealcorn@live.com
i would love to get in touch, hope to hear from you soon,
darkness mystique