this is the first time ive ever posted anything. this is the first time ive ever talked about my SI-ing. i cant confidein anyone else. they all judge and treat me like a little child. watching me everywhere i go, constantly asking how i am feeling. im 14. ive been injuring for about four years. my teacher saw the marks and told my guidence conciler. that was two years ago. for a while after my mom got the phone call i wasnt allowed to wear clothes that covered up. she didnt want me hidding anything. but i lied to her and told her i just tried it and i didnt like it.so she backed off. and i started doing it again but in a different place. i could only talk to one person, my boyfriend. we had been together for about a year and a half and he was my first EVERYTHING. and then one day he broke up with me. randomly, through a girl who i hated. he had been texting her for awhile and he knew i didnt like it. but one morning at school she came up to me and showed me a text with the biggest smile on her face. the text said “tell chloe im dun wit her. tell her nvr to tlk to me agn”. my world crashed. i died that day. i didnt know what to do so i skipped all my classes and cried in the bathroom all day long. 3 days later at my house in the middle of the night i wake up. my bedroom is in the basement so i have door to the outside. its always unlocked. stupid me. i wake up and hes there standing over me. and then he ckimbed on top of me. after that, my life became worthless, i became worthless. ever since that day my tools have become a part of me. they are they only thing i have control over anymore. im OCD bi polar and i am scared to get out of bed. i need to talk, and this is me taking the first step. sorry if i wasted your time.