i need help 🙁 i took a medical leave last spring 2010 and was admitted into two hospital, went to an outpatient program, and continued to see a psychologist who i still meet with to this day. i then returned to college this fall where i stupidly stopped taking my meds mainly because they weren’t working and my doctor wouldn’t prescribe me new ones over the phone, i had to go see him which i couldn’t do since he was in nj and i was at school in nc. when i was 14 i was raped, i learned to somewhat cope with that on my own by injuring, but last year my first year at college it happened again and I lost it, which was when i was admitted into all those hospitals. on top of that i suffer from anxiety and depression from deaths all the way back to 7th grade that i had to witness. anyways, after getting cleared to return to school this fall i thought i could handle it, but my anxiety was horrible i was having flashback from last years sexual assault and was asked to take another medical leave, i started SI again (i had stopped from last march 2010 up until about three weeks ago) and it’s getting really bad. i made a deal with my psychologist and and treatment center i am in that i wouldn’t SI from our last meeting until the next time i saw her, i thought i could do it but i didn’t make it. i’m scared now and don’t know what to do and feel like such a bad person for breaking the deal after my psychologist made a big deal about wanting to trust me, i feel like i let her down. worst of all i am scared she might call 911 like she threatened and put me back in the hospital, and after being in 2 i’ve and i’m sure many of you know those are not fun i REALLY don’t want that!

help!