Just when I thought my life could not get any worse or more lonesome, my mom died. She died while sleeping for no particular reason at 52 years old. She wasn’t sick or had any illnesses we didnt knew of. The autopsy said her lungs were swollen but its an unexplained cause of death. My mom and my two older sisters are my everything. I have no friends. All I had was my mother and she died for no particular reason. Did I do something wrong and I’m being punished? The few acquaintances I had desserted me after I told them my mom died. Thats expected of acquaintances right? I dont know what to do. I still love my ex boyfriend, he was the only friend I had, the only one outside of my two sisters and my mom who cared about me, but he just decided one day he’s gonna try not to love me anymore since he has a new girlfriend that he’d rather be with than me. What did I do wrong, what am I doing wrong? Why does my life keep getting worse? I have been depressed since I was 14 years old. My mom knew but she didnt how to help me or get help for me. I didnt know how either. All I ever wanted was someone to care about me and love me not just because they have to but because they wanted to. I’ve turned to S.I before, found temporary love there but I dont wanna return. I am 22 and I basically flunked out college, due to my depression and now I’m graduating with horrible grades, no hope for a job in my country, no future. Whats the point of waking up each day when all you had keeping you alive keeping you motivated to get up out of bed and at least try to start your day, is suddenly gone? What else is left, when your future looks bleak? When you cannot even envision yourself in your dreams living a few years down the line? What do you do when it the future is hazy and no matter how hard you try to see something in the fog, you just cant? What do you do then? Because I am tired of praying because sometimes I dont know if God listens to me anymore and I am tired of crying.