I cant let go of SI.ing, it is the only thing that has ALWAYS been here for me, to make me feel better. Its my release, and I know I hurt  people, but I want to be happy to, my life has always been revolving around making other people happy.Why are people so mad that I SI. Everyone is just over reacting. Im fine, I dont do it that much, okay maybe thats a lie, But I cant stop, my councler thinks I have OCD, and then my phycistrist, says I have bipolar depression, but what I really want to tell them all is to Go to heck, they dont know what Im going through. Then when I tell them that they say, well the only way I will understand whats going on, is if you are willing to tell me. UGHHH! Its to hard to let go, and now my councler wants me to bring in all my tools next week, so I cant have any, thats not fair at all. I HAVE TO HAVE THEM!!! I NEED THEM!!!! SI is my bestfriend… Why would I leave them, if the never left me??? Im crying right now, Im crying inside everytime, Im not crying on the outside, but I cant let go. I want to Let go and let God, but I cant do that either, everytime I release my self to him, I pull back. I need some something, I know hes the only one who can really help, but I cant do anyting, Im so not myself.. I CANT LET GO!