I sit in class and at home, smiling outwardly while inside all I can scream is ‘I’M NOT OKAY!” I secretly hope that the people who are closest to me will catch the warning signs. My sweatpants. How I restrict food. My conplete disinterest in everything that I was so passionate for. You would think someone would catch on.

All I can think about is injuring. When I am at school, supposed to be student teaching my Biology class, I just want to get through the notes so I can take a “bathroom break”. I try to hide it from those who know that I SI, but somehow find that impossible. They just know, somehow, but do not take it as anything serious. Then there are those that threaten. My boyfriend for example: “If you do it again, then I’m going to injure too”. What he doesn’t realize is that that is not going to stop me, but it will stop me from going to anybody when I do. It’s quite the vicious cycle.

All of this is so unlike me. I’m the Math Club VP. I’m color guard captain. I student teach. I am the big sister to everyone and have always been everyone’s rock. Now I find myself completely unable to handle my own thoughts. I just don’t know…