Its almost like its not even me. After I got raped I never cared about anything but blaming myself, and being a shamed and never letting anyone love, or care about me. BUT NOW I NEED SOMEONE! My older sister use to be my strong point, the only person I could talk to. But sshe moved out and hasnt talked to me in 7 months, except for yesterday I seen her at Walmart. But she never calls, or trys to see me. I now know she doesnt care. And now that I pushed everyone away, I have NO ONE! What happened to me ruined me 4EVER NowI have nothing… :'(
i was a rape victim too and i know what it’s like to push every one away. im 12 but i still care. if you ever want to talk email me at rosealcorn@live.com
That sounds like the assault affected you in more ways then you realize. It sounds like you have “protected” yourself and decided that you were not going to let anyone close to you…. because if you let someone close to you then they might hurt you, like you might have shut yourself down. If no one can get in your life then you don’t have to feel disappointment.
I bet that it was hard when your sister was not longer there for you, and you did not have her as a support. I bet that plays a factor as well for you not wanting anyone in because that hurt when she was not there for you. But I encourage you to get help with others- reach out even though it feels foreign to you. Can you reach out and call your sister and be interested in her because she might reach back? Sometimes when things are rough in your life it is hard to be someone’s friend- but I encourage you to reach out, be a friend that you want to have, and in turn you may reap what you sow.
Also I encourage you to reach out to get professional help. Don’t shut people out of your life. There is good people out there, sometimes a person just needs to go on a search for them.
I wish you well in all you do.
Twy