All week I’ve been crying nonstop, and for what reason? There’s nothing terrible going on with my home life. I’m not being bullied or anything at school. So why am I crying? Why am I talking less? Why am I eating less? Why am I sleeping less? Why am I pushin myself away from everyone?

I told two teachers about me dealing with si, one actually relates to me and told me she was struggling with it in high school too. The other one talked to me for a good half hour.

I bursted into full on tears on Wednesday, it just really hit me, I’m really really unhappy. I don’t know why. I’m feeling hopeless, helpless, lost, alone. And I don’t know what to do. I’m too scared to tell my mom because I don’t want her to stress out more than she already does. And my dad? That’s out of the question. He’d just shut down and not talk to me for as long as he can.

During this really rough week, I did not relapse once, never even touched the weapon. When I felt like it, I cried or took a shower. O didn’t want to, but then I did. I’m such a contradict. I’ve been clean for a month and four days. Ohmigosh, time flies by, but not on those days where you just feel like crawling in a hole and dying. That’s what I’ve been feeling for the past three weeks. I’m unhappy, I don’t know what to do.