I look at my life and what I’ve become and I am in utter disbelief. How did I let it get this far? I look in the mirror only to find a ghost of something that I know was once alive with life and vitality. Now I see defeat and hopelessness. I have allowed myself to be driven so far into my own insanity that when I’m there its the only time I experience clarity. Each time I make the journey I travel further into the darkness and lose more and more of my light.
I reached a point of absolute darkness, even though at the time I felt complete control and relief. Finally, I controlled the pain. As I SI I felt strength and control. Two things I’d forgotten existed in my life and mind. It was twisted and irrational, however it was real and freeing. I felt free. It felt natural and real, but what it was…was something so opposite.
When I look at these wounds they are a symbol of weakness and a compete loss of control. But the memory of how it was then is unchanged. And now I see how this breeds addiction, which is the definition of out of my own control…and still I want to feel agian.l
It is very hard to stop SIing but i know you can do it. Find someone who you are clsoe to to talk to it about. And set goalds for urself to be happy. We are all rooting for you. Much love