I’m always giving back. Telling people how wonderful they are, how much I love them. “Keep your chin up, surely a better day will come.” What use is it when I tell people that when I can barely do it myself? Nothing. I get nothing in return. I feel worthless and mistreated and I hate myself. My parents think I’m a giant disapointment; they wonder what happened to the bright little girl who brung love to everything. But, I’ve learned. Never show emotion. Those who cannot know your thoughts, your dreams and wonders; those who cannot ruin those dreams, laugh at them and destroy them, will never touch you. They will never touch you. They think they know what it’s like. Ha. Ha. Having to resist screaming aloud….how long I was in depression….I’m twelve….such a young age…for this….this despicable thing I do. I feel like a failure in life. I say, I don’t need this, I don’t need this. What don’t I need? Do I not deserve living in this terrible life? Or is life is too good for me? I deserve to suffer. Suffer more than anyone else.
~
WorthlessWorthlessWorthlessWorthlessWorthless
I don’t need this….I don’t need this….I don’t….need…..
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And then come the brighter, nicer thoughts.
I can survive this. (Can I really?) I am here for a reason. Others need me. I am not alone. I am not alone. (You are alone. SO ALONE.) I will make it though. I will counquer this.
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Stupid
Unloveable
Failure
Unworthy
Unwanted
These words, pounded into my head, ruthlessly.
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I injured yesterday. 4 people askeds me what it was. I told them my little sister scribbled on me in pen. There’s another word I can add to my list. Liar.