I feel like I’ve lost control over this. I haven’t injured in a little over 2 months…but I think about it ever day.  I see it in my dreams, when I close my eyes there I am and it feels great.  It’s twisted, but I miss that feeling, the rush, the adrenaline. It’s a release, and I want need to feel that again.  I’m tired of trying, of everyday being a struggle not to injure.  It shouldn’t be this hard to NOT hurt myself, like, really?? I feel stupid and it’s wearing on me.  My parents know about it but don’t get it…which is understandable, they’ve never struggle through this…but it would be nice if they could try to understand…..instead of it being the “elephant in the room” or whatever.  I’m the kid in the family who’s a screw up, the one they can’t be proud of and boast about anymore because I’m destructive.  The way they look at me now, act around me, it sucks.  I’ve never felt connected with them and I never will, especially now.  I just wish I could get a grip on things, take control, but no, this addiction controls every aspect of my life and I hate it.