I feel like I’ve lost control over this. I haven’t injured in a little over 2 months…but I think about it ever day. I see it in my dreams, when I close my eyes there I am and it feels great. It’s twisted, but I miss that feeling, the rush, the adrenaline. It’s a release, and I want need to feel that again. I’m tired of trying, of everyday being a struggle not to injure. It shouldn’t be this hard to NOT hurt myself, like, really?? I feel stupid and it’s wearing on me. My parents know about it but don’t get it…which is understandable, they’ve never struggle through this…but it would be nice if they could try to understand…..instead of it being the “elephant in the room” or whatever. I’m the kid in the family who’s a screw up, the one they can’t be proud of and boast about anymore because I’m destructive. The way they look at me now, act around me, it sucks. I’ve never felt connected with them and I never will, especially now. I just wish I could get a grip on things, take control, but no, this addiction controls every aspect of my life and I hate it.
Everyone goes through this, trust me. I’m going through it right now, and I’ve only been clean for three weeks. I also feel like I’m the screw up in the family. My parents don’t know that I’ve injured recently. They believe that I’ve been clean for two years, hah. It’s hard, I know. But things will get better, I know it. Just remind yourself that there’s always at least one person on this planet who is feeling the exact same way as you are and are going through the exact same things that you’re going through. You’re not alone, and never will be.
Hope Does Exist.
Heather
p.s.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here::
jeynann@yahoo.com
oneday-
I’m gonna agree with Heather on this one… everyone does go through this at on point or another and you’re NOT alone. If you ever need to talk please don’t hesitate. My email is emo_chick44608@yahoo.com. cate.xX 😀
-Caitlin