I ended up injuring Friday morning and again last night. Family life hasn’t been the best recently, and I couldn’t control the situations and so I injured. To tell the truth, it felt good. It felt like I was in control of things and that my anxiety level went down. I was crying and having a panic attack. Things were not good. I tried to call some friends to help me calm down, but no one I trusted answered. I just felt so helpless because of the situation I was in and the SI helped me feel better. The next day, I ended up telling my mom and she just hugged me and told me that she was sorry that I needed to do that and she wasn’t mad at me. Thank God. Now I have to deal with things going on at school and other family members. This is my senior year and I’m just worried the more into it I go, the more I’ll start SI again. I’ve been injuring for 5 years, I’ve been in therapy, almost institutionalized and I just don’t know what to do.
I have a meeting with the school social worker tomorrow and I think things will be okay after that. I just don’t want to go back into real therapy. I want to control my SI, like I have been the past 2 months. I don’t want to have things go as bad as they were this time last year. I don’t want my SI to get out of control again.