“It just now hit me, this is more than just a set back. And when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn’t get that and every trace of momentum is gone. And this isn’t turning out the way I want. And after all my alibis desert me, I just want to get by, I don’t want nothing to hurt me. I had no idea where my head was at, but if my heart says I’m sorry can we leave it at that? Because I just want for all of this to end.”
“All of my escapes have been exhausted. I thought I had away, but then I lost it. And my resistance was once much stronger and I know I can’t go on like this much longer.” Adapted from Relient K’s I So Hate Consequences
I want to use the excuse that I just have a lot going on in my life right now, but I know that’s not true. It’s just me … There’s no big life changing event that made me SI, it just kind of slowly built up until it just happened. And now it sticks, it won’t go away. Everytime I succesfully go without injuring I fall back into it. I made it almost four months once and then I fell back into it. I try to escape it, but it’s got me trapped. I come so close to saying that I’m free from it, that I won’t ever fall into it again and then I do. I let the urges overtake me and quit fighting it. Then I gather up some resistance and fall into it again. It’s a never ending cycle.