In the past two weeks, of which I’ve been clean, I’ve had two girlfriends, firsts ever, my first kiss with a girl, my first break up with a girl. My first time ‘cheating’ on someone, first time being cheated on. Officially feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I lost my place in the school, like I had one. Ha.. Now, more than anything, I wan to relapse. I have several weapons arm-reach away. No joke. So why not? Why not fall back? I’ve had a lousy, exhausting two weeks with no help, whatsoever. I hate myself right now. Why not hurt myself for that? Why not hurt myself for lying, for cheating, for sneaking around, for hurting peoples’ feelings. I don’t deserve to be happy or not in pain. I deserve to hurt and cry and beg for forgiveness. Not that I believe on god or anything. It’s just, I disgust myself right now.