It’s been 3 years and somewhere around two months since I last self-injured. I used to be really really bad for about 3 years. I relapsed many times from trying to quit in that time but then one day I just stopped and I haven’t for a little over 3 years since. I’m 18 now.
My problem is that I still think about self injuring. Sometimes it’s really bad and I think I may give in and relapse and sometimes it’s fleeting. Sometimes I go months with out thinking about it and sometimes it’s all I think about for a week straight.
Tonight was one of the more serious ones. I thought to myself, what’s the point in not doing it? I felt so hopeless and suffocated that I had such a hard time finding a reason for me to not self injury. It was one of the closer calls I’ve had, but instead I distracted myself.
I worry that the more times this happens, the less and less my resolve will be. I feel as though every time I have a moment of intense wanting like I did tonight, I come out of it with a teeny bit more of my effort chipped away.
I wonder, will it ever get any easier? And more importantly, I worry that if I do relapse, I’ll just be a failure.
I understand that feeling. When it gets to that moment of when you are asking yourself why it wouldn’t be easier to just give in, remind yourself of the reason you chose to stop. It seemed that was a driving force to keep from choosing to si for a get years. That reason or reasons were important enough then so make them just as important now.
I found that there is a cycle that the end result was me self injuring. I eventually really tried to stop doing the things or preventing them from happening to make me not have the feeling to self injure and the resulting in me injuring. It does get better over time and the feeling does decrease a little bit. But it will always be there. try to best to remind yourself the reason why u quit. and whats the end result. momentary satisfaction following the problem still existing. If you need anything. Im here to talk
tknox505@yahoo.com