its like the world never stops spinning…. out of control
everything is fine, its quite
its all gone
joyous shouts of victory – the darkness beaten!
overshadowed by little whispers in the winds of my mind
then it starts, slowly
like a lioness stalking her prey
patient and powerful
it takes hold with such urging power, consuming my every thought
i turn around an something glitters
and i think right back to that fateful tool
over a year of being able to fight it off and its just back
the desire to be destructive
to let it all out with a simple stroke
to watch it
im trying so hard to fight it so hard to stop
my friends and fiance fight for me
and i do my best for them
but it never stops lurking in the back of my mind
to overrun my sanity again.
is this all in my head? how do i get it to stop? how do i get it all out so it never comes back? especially when my one safety – my music – is my biggest danger of staying stuck in my “depressed” moods? Sometimes it feels like I’m a mental hypocondriac. Instead of being worried and convinced I have every physical illness I convince myself that my mind is rampant with “disease”. Depression, anxiety, bi-polar – I convince myself that it has to be something but then the world goes back to normal and I believe that I was over reacting. How do I break this cycle? Every psychiatrist I’ve talked to has always said there’s nothing wrong but why doesn’t it stop?