I have been to this site several times and have exchanged email with one of the staff. I’m glad this site exists and I appreciate that I can post and will be ‘surrounded’ by other folks who can relate.
I am a 49 year-old male that has engaged in SIV for a large part of my life. I took a break for 10 years and started to injure again about two years ago. I’m not really sure what prompted my desire to do same,, but here I am.
I certainly understand that it’s a conscious choice and I suspect that I’ll be doing this for some time. When I think of all of the other behaviors I could do (I stopped drinking a long time ago) this seems to be the better choice.
I know that when people are distressed they do things they normally wouldn’t do. I injure myself to change the way I feel. Intellectually I have this figured out, emotionally I feel like a freak. I know that our culture believes that we engage in this behavior for attention, and we know this is not the case. I never show my injuries – if I wanted attention I could simply wear different clothes…but that is our culture,,it fails gravely at being humane.