My mom had Z E R O boundaries and she violated them in a way that most people never get to experience. When I read that last sentence it sounds dramatic…and perhaps I need to say that in that way this time..that I need to be reminded that what happened wasn’t a function of me, but a person who wasn’t able to get their needs met in the ‘normal adult way’
What sort of parent decides that abusing their son is normal.

Many days I’ll be taking a shower and realize that I have been in the shower 5-10 minutes longer than usual. I know that I am trying to wash off the feeling of being consumed by my mom.

A few years ago I read a phrase (scream louder) which describes how I felt powerless and helpless; still do some days. I have no delusions that my mom’s behavior has not affected my life. I am thankful my girlfriend is patient as there are many times I don’t want to be touched. Tonight found me saying bye without giving her a hug which is unusual for me. Some nights are worse than others – this is one of them. I felt funky after she left and decided to injure.