School’s in session now and I feel sick at the thought of it. I hate going to school and seeing all the fake people and listening to all the things they say. I got to stay home sick today which is a major relief for me. I know it may sound stupid but I’m terrified of going to school. Everyone is always judging me and I hate it. I get up in the morning and just want to cry because I know what awaits me at school. It’s not really that people bully me that much anymore, it’s the memories of when they did that won’t leave and make me so scared. I can’t get the hurtful things they’ve said to me out of my head, or the gossip and the rumors they spread about me. I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of faces. As soon as I get in the parking lot I want to run away and never go back. I feel trapped when I get in the school, there’s so many people. I wish I could do online schooling but my parents won’t let me because it doesn’t offer as many benefits as public schooling in terms of college. I wish I could tell them how public schooling is killing me, how it makes me depressed and how it makes me SI. I can’t seem to get over it. Half the time I want to ask my parents why they are so sure that I’ll go to college, I don’t even know if I can make it through highschool. I’m taking health this year and we’re currently learning about mental and emotional health and the teacher keeps making us do assignments that make us grade our health. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I want to tell the truth and tell them that I’m emotionally sick that I’m dying on the inside but I’m too afraid of what will happen to tell the truth. So I lie on the papers. And when our teacher gives lectures about menatl illnesses and problems I just stare at the floor, afraid she might suspect me. I feel like I have a neon shirt that’s flashing saying, “Her! Her! She’s the one with the problems, she SI’s and is depressed. Her! Her!” I want so bad to drop the class but it’s mandatory. I just want out of school, I think that if I could get out of it I might have a chance to get better but I’m stuck in it with no escape.