It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I think the last time I logged on was maybe in May. I haven’t SIed in about 2 months, but my scars are still visible. I struggle to regret the path I chose that led me to SI, or at least be ashamed of it, but I’m not. My best friend thinks I’m crazy cuz she is ashamed of doing it herself. I guess we just see things differently. I’m not saying I’ll never SI again, becuz i find myself thinking about it sometimes and wishing I would. But still, I refrain. I’m currently a junior in high school, and with more pressure than ever, but in the end I wanna feel good about myself and say that I made it a whole year on my own without SI. I wanna know that I am that strong girl that everyone else thinks I am, and that I used to see when I looked in the mirror. I want to be that girl who said I made it, even if SI happened along the way. The biggest change I see in myself right now, is not being afraid to admit my flaws and mistakes to those who ask. I had a kid on my bus today ask me in front of everyone if I SIed, and I told him that i had at one point, but not anymore. I think I shocked alot of ppl lol, but they’ll get over it. The only thing I do regret from the days I SIed is what the insecurities that I had lead to. On several different occasions I would meet up with one of my guy friends and do sexual things. It was the same guy everytime, and he was and is single. I’m just glad that my friendship with him didn’t change just becuz of that, and I can still count on him to be here for me. I’m actually lucky. I guess what I’m trying to say is, SI isn’t worth it guys. The scars, the insecurties, and the mental state you gain along the way… I know most of you won’t even take the time to read it, and some of you will and judge me even when its judgement you fear yourselves, but if there is just one person that will read this and understand what im trying to convey, and yes i know i write all choppy and just all over the place, then I pray it will help them. If anyone is confused or wants to talk or just has a general question, let me know. I hold nothing back. If you want my email to talk to me, ill share one of those as well.
God bless you all. I’m praying for everyone on this site.