I haven’t injured in over eight weeks, I haven’t injured in another way in over a week. I haven’t stayed away from SI this long fir almost a year. I still can’t get used to it. I mean, it’s hard to imagine me never injuring again. That’s just an absolute crazy theory. I’ve been struggling with SI for over four years, how can someone who was so far in that just give it up? It seems unreal and I feel like everyone’s expecting me to fall back into it, because they’re so used to me telling them that I relapsed… Again. It’s so hard to give up something you put so much energy in. It was my solution to everything, it was my stress-reliever when I couldn’t calm myself down, it was my deviation from binge eating. It was my everything. All I would do every second of every day was think about SI.  It’s so foreign to me, I don’t think I have the motivation, strength, or hope to stay clean for the rest of my life. I honestly don’t.