In the past two days, I’ve noticed that more than seventy percent of the time I’m faking my smile. That terrifies me to death, that’s how I was before I started to s.i. What if I lose control? I’ve only been clean for seven weeks.  I’m so scared. I’m too hard on myself, I can’t trust myself, I hate myself, I have no faith in myself. Why would I not relapse? I’m just a huge mess and I have no idea why. I feel so incredibly alone at school, you have no idea. I have no friends, they all moved or just stopped talking to me. Nobody likes me. Why bother staying clean? The only person who I know cares is my counselor. How pathetic is that? I’m hopeless. I’m unhappy. I’m craving.