most of the time i barely have a grasp on my emotions. I have a big problem with codependancy and my mother thinks all of my friends use it to take advantage of me. I just cant say no. It scares me sometimes when i cant control it. cause i end up making people mad because i need them to do things my way or i get really upset. It sounds selfish but it really hurts. One of the biggest reasons i SI-ed was because i felt like i had no control over what i can and cant do. I always have to have control or i feel like things are always wrong. i sometimes feel like me SI-ing is the only thing i can control. And the fact that anyone would think that its a great idea to use my issues as a way to get work done, really hurts. I want people to want me to be a leader, not because i do all of the work, but because i’m respectable. I guess it’s just honestly a lack of respect for me. But there’s nothing i can really do about it. what a bummer. Can i just get better already? this is really starting to break me down.