I’ve never had a boyfriend, a real boyfriend. A boyfriend who you can kiss whenever you want, a boyfriend you can happily hold hands with, a boyfriend who will put their arms around you to comfort you when you feel down. Well, not too long ago, I was inches from getting that boyfriend, that’s what I thought, but I was wrong. He is emotionally unstabled, like I am. And when I realized that he forced himself to like me because he hoped to give himself to someone who deserves it, someone like me. He’s had a lot of trouble goig through his short life. The feeling of being alone constantly haunts him, and the pain from the past, present, and future constantly control him. Not the same way pain controls me.

I realized something, now it may not be completely true, but I have a feeling it’s somewhat true. I don’t think I’ve ever had complete and honest feelings for someone, where I cared about them no matter what and I don’t care about my health because I care about his more. I think my feelings for someone are more limited. I think I start to have feelings for someone because I hope that they can take my pain away, stop the nightmares from haunting me, make me feel happier than ever. I am so emotionally unstable that if I feel that I was wrong about a guy, I resort to s.i. I don’t know how to explain it, but that’s what’s been on my mind for quite some time. I think I look for that guy who can take my pain away and once he does, I’d do anything in my power to give him the best life he ever had.